Dear Diary,
I was driving through my neighborhood yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day. The kind of day that people appreciate because the weather has been rather rainy. The kind of day that might inspire one to wash their car and prepare it for the upcoming sunny weekend. This is an activity I am in full support of. Though I will say I was quite surprised to pass a man as he leaned back to grin with pride at his newly washed and shined raper van. You know the kind... no windows and extended in the back. It does NOT matter how clean and shiny that van is. It is still a raper van. It is still pervy. Small children should still run away in the opposite direction. This is a rule I believe this van owner missed. Apparently raper vans do not come with a manual.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
You're cheap....whaaaat?
Dear Diary,
Today was a fantastic Saturday. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and it was warm outside. Since the weather was so great, I decided to spend my day doing yard work. I started my morning at a local plant sale to benefit the maintenance of a beautiful park in my neighborhood. It was quite lovely. Then I made a trip to the local sprinkler store.
I needed to replace a sprinkler head and ask a few questions about the repair. The store was surprisingly slow with only a few customers and one employee. I looked around but did not find what I was looking for so I waited for the salesman to finish with his current customer. While this was happening, a woman came into the store with more determination than anyone should have when the weather is so nice. She immediately nabbed the salesman's attention, his full attention, to fill her list. She was a little unsure about some of her list and had to make a call to her landscaper. It is at this point that I begin to observe what she is wearing. She's in two long sleeve shirts, long pants, nylons, and slip on leather loafers. Her entire outfit was black with the exception of her shoes which were red. It is nearly 80 degrees and she's in all black layers for a sprinkler project. Now I am hardly one to judge ones ability to layer in the warm weather but even I am in shorts, two short sleeve shirts and flip flops. It is in this moment that I realize she is NOT at all involved with this landscaping expedition and is likely directing from the inside of her well air conditioned home. It is also about this time that she starts calming ranting to the salesman that her landscaper told her the part was $2 less than the marked price, and that no he does not have an account. She calls her landscaper again. By this time, I am waiting, another man is waiting, and another is lingering in the aisles waiting for the line to shorten. This woman is not leaving until she saves this $2. She's also attempting to sweet talk the salesman by calling him a doll yet she has failed to remember his name in the 60 seconds since he first gave it her. The salesman finally caves and gives her a $1.50 discount which the woman is overjoyed with. She calls him a doll one more time and thankfully did not reach across the counter to kiss him. Out the door she goes. The man waiting in line comments about the woman's audacity and the salesman simply responds that he only gave her the discount to get her out of the store so he could help everyone else waiting! I can't help but giggle and when I finally get to the front of the line, the salesman gives me 10% off for "being patient". I think that was code for "not being a crazy stingy bitch" but I'm just guessing.
In retrospect I really wish I would have followed the woman to the parking lot to confirm my suspicion that the woman was driving either a 7 series BMW, Lexus LS, or Mercedes S Class.
Today was a fantastic Saturday. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and it was warm outside. Since the weather was so great, I decided to spend my day doing yard work. I started my morning at a local plant sale to benefit the maintenance of a beautiful park in my neighborhood. It was quite lovely. Then I made a trip to the local sprinkler store.
I needed to replace a sprinkler head and ask a few questions about the repair. The store was surprisingly slow with only a few customers and one employee. I looked around but did not find what I was looking for so I waited for the salesman to finish with his current customer. While this was happening, a woman came into the store with more determination than anyone should have when the weather is so nice. She immediately nabbed the salesman's attention, his full attention, to fill her list. She was a little unsure about some of her list and had to make a call to her landscaper. It is at this point that I begin to observe what she is wearing. She's in two long sleeve shirts, long pants, nylons, and slip on leather loafers. Her entire outfit was black with the exception of her shoes which were red. It is nearly 80 degrees and she's in all black layers for a sprinkler project. Now I am hardly one to judge ones ability to layer in the warm weather but even I am in shorts, two short sleeve shirts and flip flops. It is in this moment that I realize she is NOT at all involved with this landscaping expedition and is likely directing from the inside of her well air conditioned home. It is also about this time that she starts calming ranting to the salesman that her landscaper told her the part was $2 less than the marked price, and that no he does not have an account. She calls her landscaper again. By this time, I am waiting, another man is waiting, and another is lingering in the aisles waiting for the line to shorten. This woman is not leaving until she saves this $2. She's also attempting to sweet talk the salesman by calling him a doll yet she has failed to remember his name in the 60 seconds since he first gave it her. The salesman finally caves and gives her a $1.50 discount which the woman is overjoyed with. She calls him a doll one more time and thankfully did not reach across the counter to kiss him. Out the door she goes. The man waiting in line comments about the woman's audacity and the salesman simply responds that he only gave her the discount to get her out of the store so he could help everyone else waiting! I can't help but giggle and when I finally get to the front of the line, the salesman gives me 10% off for "being patient". I think that was code for "not being a crazy stingy bitch" but I'm just guessing.
In retrospect I really wish I would have followed the woman to the parking lot to confirm my suspicion that the woman was driving either a 7 series BMW, Lexus LS, or Mercedes S Class.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Huffin and Puffin
Dear Diary,
Today I was driving down the street and I see this man on a bike. I won't lie, he wasn't in great shape so it was not all that shocking when he stopped to take a breather. It was not until I got closer to him that I realized he had stopped to light up a cigarette! I wanted to stop my car and tell him the bike riding, that he's ceased doing, will not do much good if he continues to smoke. Then I realized trying to rationalize with a fat man who was trying to ride his bike but had to stop to smoke would likely be a wasted effort so I kept driving. I went to the park and hiked a couple miles to help balance out the weight of the universe.
Today I was driving down the street and I see this man on a bike. I won't lie, he wasn't in great shape so it was not all that shocking when he stopped to take a breather. It was not until I got closer to him that I realized he had stopped to light up a cigarette! I wanted to stop my car and tell him the bike riding, that he's ceased doing, will not do much good if he continues to smoke. Then I realized trying to rationalize with a fat man who was trying to ride his bike but had to stop to smoke would likely be a wasted effort so I kept driving. I went to the park and hiked a couple miles to help balance out the weight of the universe.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Oh the horror
Dear Diary,
I recently attended a local festival. I believe the festival focuses on music, art, and beer. By art I mean tattoos. And by beer I mean delicious. I met a group of friends for some delicious beverages and for the fabulous people watching. If you attended this festival without a tattoo or piercing, you would either left with envy or disgust. If you attended this festival without showering, you fit right in.
It goes without saying the line for the restroom inside the bar was quite long. I am not a big fan of waiting for a restroom. If I felt like waiting, I would hold my pee until I got home. Ordinarily I would use the men's restroom but at this particular venue, there was only one uni-sex bathroom to be had. So I ventured outside to find a Porta-potty. Nothing about this thrills me, except I really need to go. And our waiter just returned with my fresh beer which was from the bottom of the keg and was not completely full. So he brought me another beer of my choosing. This makes me incredibly happy. Especially when I later learn I was not charged for either beer. Must love free beer. Back to the Porta-potty.
So I am next in the very short line to use one of two portable facilities. The door slowly opens and this girl in three inch heels, fully done makeup, big hair, and an entirely too preppy outfit for this function steps out, very clearly disgusted by having to use a portable toilet and for having to touch the door to get out. She has a look of horror on her face. The door swings back to slam behind her and she's checking herself over. She's doing this as if she would be able to see the actual germs. When she's done doing this, she spots her friends and starts to walk away. I stop her to say, "You have toilet paper on your shoe." Before I can step on it, she picks up her foot and starts to remove the TP with her hands!!!! I then shriek in horror, "Well don't touch it!" I was mortified! What was worse: the fact that she was too disgusted to touch the door of the bathroom or the fact that she used her hand to remove toilet paper from her shoe which clearly attached itself to her shoe from the floor of the bathroom?
I recently attended a local festival. I believe the festival focuses on music, art, and beer. By art I mean tattoos. And by beer I mean delicious. I met a group of friends for some delicious beverages and for the fabulous people watching. If you attended this festival without a tattoo or piercing, you would either left with envy or disgust. If you attended this festival without showering, you fit right in.
It goes without saying the line for the restroom inside the bar was quite long. I am not a big fan of waiting for a restroom. If I felt like waiting, I would hold my pee until I got home. Ordinarily I would use the men's restroom but at this particular venue, there was only one uni-sex bathroom to be had. So I ventured outside to find a Porta-potty. Nothing about this thrills me, except I really need to go. And our waiter just returned with my fresh beer which was from the bottom of the keg and was not completely full. So he brought me another beer of my choosing. This makes me incredibly happy. Especially when I later learn I was not charged for either beer. Must love free beer. Back to the Porta-potty.
So I am next in the very short line to use one of two portable facilities. The door slowly opens and this girl in three inch heels, fully done makeup, big hair, and an entirely too preppy outfit for this function steps out, very clearly disgusted by having to use a portable toilet and for having to touch the door to get out. She has a look of horror on her face. The door swings back to slam behind her and she's checking herself over. She's doing this as if she would be able to see the actual germs. When she's done doing this, she spots her friends and starts to walk away. I stop her to say, "You have toilet paper on your shoe." Before I can step on it, she picks up her foot and starts to remove the TP with her hands!!!! I then shriek in horror, "Well don't touch it!" I was mortified! What was worse: the fact that she was too disgusted to touch the door of the bathroom or the fact that she used her hand to remove toilet paper from her shoe which clearly attached itself to her shoe from the floor of the bathroom?
Friday, June 4, 2010
The 80s called, they want their hair back
Dear Diary,
It is no secret that people watching is one of my favorite past times. I enjoy this shameless activity more than so many other activities. I would not go so far as to say it is my favorite, but I would most definitely put it in the top five. The gym is one of the greatest places to watch people, along with the airport, malls, and the grocery store.
The thing about my gym is that there are all walks of life and all ages participating. Hence why it is such a prime location to watch people. I so enjoy watching people but sometimes I can not help but be brazen and get caught. I mean really. REALLY!? You left the house in twenty ten thinking it is 1984?! I am all for an 80s flashback but there are limits. And sometimes it isn't a flashback but a body lost in time. Allow me to explain. Today at the gym I saw what I believe to be a woman with a rat tail. The reason I don't believe it is a flashback is because the rat tail went all the way down her back! The number of years dedicated to this is at least 20! And no I do not believe she cut the rest of her hair in order to achieve this look. The rest of her hair was not capable of growing that long. It was stringy and full of split ends. It is called conditioner.
So while watching this woman pump some iron, I could not help but stare and get caught. I would like to think my eyes and facial expression sent a silent message to her that it was simply not okay to carry the torch of such a nasty hairstyle. Some things were meant to stay in the 80s; the rat tail is one of them.
It is no secret that people watching is one of my favorite past times. I enjoy this shameless activity more than so many other activities. I would not go so far as to say it is my favorite, but I would most definitely put it in the top five. The gym is one of the greatest places to watch people, along with the airport, malls, and the grocery store.
The thing about my gym is that there are all walks of life and all ages participating. Hence why it is such a prime location to watch people. I so enjoy watching people but sometimes I can not help but be brazen and get caught. I mean really. REALLY!? You left the house in twenty ten thinking it is 1984?! I am all for an 80s flashback but there are limits. And sometimes it isn't a flashback but a body lost in time. Allow me to explain. Today at the gym I saw what I believe to be a woman with a rat tail. The reason I don't believe it is a flashback is because the rat tail went all the way down her back! The number of years dedicated to this is at least 20! And no I do not believe she cut the rest of her hair in order to achieve this look. The rest of her hair was not capable of growing that long. It was stringy and full of split ends. It is called conditioner.
So while watching this woman pump some iron, I could not help but stare and get caught. I would like to think my eyes and facial expression sent a silent message to her that it was simply not okay to carry the torch of such a nasty hairstyle. Some things were meant to stay in the 80s; the rat tail is one of them.
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